I am missing several documents, some already overdue. I need several student profiles, site profiles, and action plans which are, in many cases, now overdue.
Get them in ASAP. And your next asssignment, your first Journal Submission is due by email by midnight on 9/29. As for the yet to be delivered profiles and action plans: the assignment is being changed as of Friday. I need a story as to why these are late. I am not interested in some sad tale of confusion, woe, or distraction. The assignment is now to entertain the professor. The story is to be a real "story." Something creative, entertaining. Veracity has no significance here; your professor expects to be entertained. The assignment will be judged by that criterion.
Good luck
While I did hand in all my paperwork in time, I really liked the concept of writing an amusing story for my professor. So, when handing in my journals on time tonight, I also added a story, in the style of Neil Gaiman's Fortunately, the Milk. It is seven pages long, double spaced, in Word. I decided to post it here. I did change identifying names of my archive and my supervisor, but otherwise, this is what my professor received.
Dear Professor,
You may notice that I am just submitting this under the wire, with just enough time to spare. “Those darn students,” you may be thinking, “they leave everything to the last minute and expect me to accept some sad tale of confusion, woe, or distraction.” However, you might understand better what took me so long if I tell you my tale of adventure.
I was working in the archive where I do my internship. I was just stopping in on Sunday to pick up a completed timesheet, when the archivist asked me for a favor.
“Christy,” she said, “we just received this box. I have to tend to a researcher. Can you look through this real fast?”
I was holding my keys, with the flash drive that holds my journals. I then put them down and picked up the box, snagging the keys with my pinky.
“Sure thing!” I chirped, and then took the box of mysterious contents into the processing area.
I opened the box. I immediately smelled dust, deteriorated paper, and the dreaded smell of rotten bananas and smelly feet.
“Uh-oh,” I said.
Out came a dust-covered skull, shedding bone on the desk. Out came a book, shedding red rot and acidified paper. And out, as I feared, came deteriorating cellulose nitrate film.
“Oh dear,” I said.
It was warm and exposed to light as it flaked. This was trouble.
“M—“ I started. Then stopped.
On the top of the skull, little cracks were appearing at the top. They were outlining a little diagram around the bumps.
I looked at the book. It was a Spurzheim tome about phrenology. I looked closer at the cover. Why there was a diagram like the cracks on the skull!
That’s when M walked in. “Christy, you called?”
Then she screamed at the cracking bone and swiped it off the desk in fear, taking the flash drive with it.
Fortunately, the journals bounced away from the skull towards me. Which was especially fortunate as the skull started to glow, blinding us both. I felt around, picked up the flash drive and watched in horror as the glow encircled M. Then, abruptly, it stopped.
M shook for a few seconds, not focusing on anything. Then she looked at me, and made a bow.
“Hello my dear lady. And who may you be?”
The voice was not quite hers, the manner of standing not hers either.
“Um, I’m Christy. Your intern?”
“Good heavens, you’re a student of phrenology?”
“Er, no. A student of archives?”
“Archives? Like government records? Are we in a government building? How interesting!”
I looked at her strangely.
“No,” I said carefully. “This is a medical archive for medical students. You are the special collections librarian. Are you feeling okay?”
“OH, my dear Madam Christy, I see you do not recognize me through this body. Allow me to make your acquaintance. I am Herr Johann Spurzheim, and I am now free to continue my work. Tell me, have you had your personality determined yet? Knowing your weaknesses might help.”
I looked at her. Or him. I was not quite sure.
Spurzheim? The phrenologist? Wordlessly I shifted through boxes, and came across a folder containing papers related to him. I pulled out a photograph of his skull and showed it to M. Or Spurzheim.
S/he looked at the photograph strangely. Then I noticed the skull again on the floor. I picked it up and showed it to him/her with the photograph.
There was a delighted laugh. “Oh, how curious! You have this picture of me. Tell me, was this done by camera obscura?”
I was talking to Spurzheim! “No. Later technology. Do you know what time you’re in?”
“No, Madam. Could you tell me?”
“Well, this is 2013. In the United States. New York City. How did you come to possess my supervisor?”
“2013? And man looks so similar. The clothing is odd, though…” he said, pointing at my Doc Martens and pants with the many buckles. But he then went, “ah yes. You see, when I was slipping into death, I was aware of the many organs that I could possibly reside in. I focused my soul on the part of the brain that governs the occult. There I stayed, waiting for someone to release me. This could be done, if my skull and my book reaches the open air, united in deep magic by examination by a curious mind.”
I then realized that flash of light was his soul. I had released him, and caused my supervisor to become possessed.
“You are the one that discovered me, I can tell. Would you like to become my student? You could learn so much!”
“Er, thank you, that’s very kind. However I’m already a student in a different field. And I need—“ I lifted up my flash drive to show him “—to send in my journals to my teacher.”
"What…is…that?” he asked, grabbing the flash drive. I pulled it away.
“It’s called a flash drive. People can store documents on them.”
“How strange and bizarre! I must have it to keep!” He started trying to pull it away from me again.
Fortunately, the journals stayed in my hand in a very tight grip as he pulled at my fingers and shoved me. I grabbed desperately at my desk with my free hand and knocked a notebook off the desk. This caught Spurzheim’s attention.
“What is that?” He picked it up.
Grateful that he was no longer trying to wrestle the flash drive away from me, I looked at what he was looking at. I smiled when I saw the back.
“Oh, that’s a L.N. Fowler notebook, analyzing a patient. I don’t think the two of you got along—“
He made a sound of disgust. “Curses upon the Fowlers! Both of them stole my noble work and vulgarized it!”
That’s when the growling moan reverberated through the archive. We looked up, startled.
We did not know what it was. But soon a shuffle came along with it.
It came closer and closer, and we felt our hearts pounding and pounding.
Then we saw the hands outstretched, and the arms outstretched, and then a face.
It was rotted and gray, and I recognized it as a zombie. I backed away, trying not to scream. That’s when the zombie moaned a single word.
“Spurzheim….”
“Oh no! It’s that dastardly Fowler! Why he came back again by occult means as well. What is this thing? It’s not elegant like my soul arriving. You see, this is what I meant by vulgarizing my work—“
Zombie Fowler let out a yell, and I screamed, “Not now—run!”
I held my flash drive, and grabbed Spurzheim’s skull. Spurzheim picked up the book and the film. And we ran. Unfortunately, we ran into a dead end. The hallway did not have an exit down the end we had ran.
I raised my hands in the air, hoping we could somehow negotiate with Zombie Fowler. “Sir, please!”
Zombie Fowler stopped, and stared. More specifically, he stared at my hand.
“Huuuuuuh?” he asked, unable to form more words than that.
I looked at my hand. He was staring at my flash drive.
“Oh, that? Just something I use to hold things. You wouldn’t understand. Sir, can we please discuss this?”
He reached towards my hand, trying to take my flash drive.
Fortunately, the journals did not go over to him. I threw the flash drive over Zombie Fowler’s head and it went down the length of the hall, skittering over the floor. Confused, Zombie Fowler turned around. And that’s when Spurzheim and I ran past him, and went back down the hall, me stopping to pick up the flash drive.
We ran out into the reading room, and ran out the door. We then stopped and looked at each other.
“Where shall we go?!” wailed Spurzheim. “That monster will destroy us both!”
That’s when we heard the growling moan again. Zombie Fowler had just shuffled into the reading room.
“The stairs!” I cried. We opened the door to staircase 9 and ran down the steps to floor 11. Unfortunately Zombie Fowler was close behind.
We ran through the first Pavilion, pushing past the interns. We made it to the second Pavilion and the amazed people on their stretchers. Zombie Fowler doggedly pursued us through the hallways, screaming over and over again “Spurzheim!”
Soon we were panting, and we barely could continue. We had reached floor 3, and we had no escape in the building. This got even worse when a hallway ended at a window.
We turned around as Zombie Fowler shuffled forward, his gray face twisted into a hideous grin. We knew this could be the end.
I looked at the window. It was glass, with no bars.
“We’re going out the window,” I told Spurzheim.
“What?”
“We’re going out the window.”
“But where will we go? We’ll get caught outside!”
“We have no choice.”
I kicked out the window with my steel toed boots, and it shattered, and the sounds of the traffic came in. Zombie Fowler stopped, confused. I then grabbed Spurzheim by the hand.
We jumped.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” we screamed as we fell the three flights.
We landed, sliding slightly.
Fortunately, the journals were in a tight grip in my hand and never touched the ground. We got up and continued to run.
We heard a thud as we ran, and realized that Zombie Fowler was in hot pursuit. We were doomed.
But then I looked at the cellulose nitrate in Spurzheim’s hand, and got an idea.
“We’re going to the river!” I screamed. “Follow me!”
We ran to the river and reached the edge. Spurzheim followed me and stopped.
“We’re done!” he wailed.
“No we’re not!” I responded.
Zombie Fowler stopped too. We stared at each other.
I then grabbed the cellulose nitrate. I pulled my lighter out of my pocket. I then waved my flash drive in the air.
“Come and get it!”
Zombie Fowler got closer. He was soon right against the river.
And that’s when I pushed him in. As he swam up, I lit the cellulose nitrate on fire and tossed it in after him.
Flames leapt to the surface as it combusted in the water, and burned up Zombie Fowler. I coughed from the fumes and buried my face into my trench coat.
Spurzheim was coughing horribly too. As he coughed, a glow started to come off the body. Soon M was rolling on the ground as the bluish light left her. Finally, she was still.
I rushed over to her. “M, are you okay?”
She coughed again, and slowly got up. “I think so. What just happened?” She then looked at the flaming river. “Oh my God, we need to call the fire department!”
“Wait. We need to do something first.”
I took the skull and the book. I tossed them into the fire, so that no one could raise Spurzheim again.
“OK, let’s go. You see, it’s a long story…” I trailed off as I realized that I wasn’t holding the flash drive, and hadn’t been since I tossed in Zombie Fowler.
Fortunately, the journals were in my trench coat pocket. I must have just slipped them in automatically, which I should have done from the beginning.
